Rude.

One reason she grates on me is her negativity. She is the big, ugly cousin of Jabba the Hutt who complains and complains and complains. It’s one complaint after another. I can’t do that. We can’t do that. That is not good. That is “too” this. There is not enough of that. Why do we have to wait so long for a table? Why are we driving so far just to eat dim sum? Why is it taking so long for our food to come?

We took her to Fremont today for dim sum.

Today at dim sum, she did something I have, in my entire lifetime of being around Asians, have never seen happen. I mean, ever. Like, ever.

When the tea came, she took the pot and poured tea for herself. That’s it. Nobody else, no offer, nothing. Just grabbed pot, poured for herself, put pot back, drank.

I have to say, I have never seen that among Asians.

Among Asians, it’s this big fuss over who pours tea for who and almost always, whoever ends up reaching for the pot, tops off the teacups for everyone within the vicinity. Then there’s a lot of head bobbing and “thank you, thank you, thank yous.”

I have never ever seen someone grab the pot, help herself, put the pot back, and not offer to pour tea for anyone else. Not her husband, not her son, let’s not even talk about me. Remember, I’m dirt.

She chews with her mouth open like a monkey. She reaches across the table and her arm dangles over everything and she’s slow so no one can do anything until she’s done with whatever she’s reaching for. She shovels food from the communal plates onto hers so messily that things fall everywhere and the table is left a mess. She is a messy eater. They are all messy eaters, I’ve realized, Hubby’s family.

When we were headed to the car this morning, Hubby already told her and FIL that I should sit in the front “to help navigate.” FIL agreed. I hung back just to see what MIL would do. She helped herself to the front seat again. Even after it’s been acknowledged that there is no health reason for her to sit in the front and that she’s perfectly fine with sitting in the back when FIL drives, when I will be present in the car, she helped herself to the front seat.

Each time we headed to the car, I intentionally hung back to see what she’d do, where’d she sit. She always went straight for the front.

While in the car, she got hot and took off her jacket. Without even looking backward–obviously knowing that FIL and I were sitting in the backseat–she just tossed her jacket backwards. My jaw nearly dropped. I had never seen anyone so rude, just tossing a jacket back like that, knowing there were people behind her.

I told Hubby about the car seating thing, and he said I should have said something. I told him that I did. I told him. He told FIL and MIL. Now it was on MIL to offer me the front seat. If she didn’t go out of her way to offer the front seat to me, there was no way in hell I was going to just sit there. Hubby says that makes no sense. I said if he grew up with any sense of Asian etiquette, then it’d make perfect sense to him. What the fuck is WRONG with this family. NO ONE HAS ANY MANNERS.

I know she doesn’t mean to be rude. She just is. That’s just “her being herself,” Hubby always says. “She doesn’t mean anything by it, and in fact, she loves you,” he says. “She lacks tact, I know,” he assures me. “But she doesn’t lack heart.”

I don’t believe a person can have heart and still be as rude as she is. I just don’t believe it. She’s beyond tactless. This isn’t just a matter of tact. This is a matter of complete and utter inconsideration for others. Anyone who is that inconsiderate, that oblivious to the interests of others does not have heart.

When we came home, I apparently had the shit face. Hubby kept asking me what was wrong. I said simply, “There’s just this chasm of a cultural gap between your parents and me, that’s all, and every single time we do anything together, we have to confront that gap. It’s jarring.”