Everyone burps and farts, I get it, but not the way MIL does. Christ.
I’m sitting here in the dining room working and she is all the way at the opposite end of this house, with her door only half open and I can hear her burps. In fact, at first I giggled, thinking either FIL or Hubby was around, burping, because it sounded like a deep, masculine, guttural man-burp. Then I realized both FIL and Hubby were both still asleep. It’s MIL. She’s burping. Her burps are deep, masculine, guttural man-burps.
Because she is a sickly woman (but immortal), her coughs are kind of scary. It starts off as heavy breathing that gets faster, into a wheezing sound, and then you hear it stumbling from the bottom of her throat, out, and it kind of makes you wince and get sick to your stomach because it sounds like someone is about to vomit. Every one of her coughs sounds like she is vomiting, and so anyone who hears it gets a little nauseous.
Her breaths are heavy. Normally I don’t hear it because I never get close enough to her for that. Only when we have to play mah jong and everybody at the table gets real quiet when they’re thinking about which tile to play do I hear that heavy, wheezy breathing, a masculine panting that sounds like a pedophile getting off on inappropriate images of children. That’s what it sounds like. Her breathing during mah jong reminds me of Lolita.
Coping with the Chinese MIL 